Forever Alone -Chapter III-

Days have passed and I have never stopped even a second thinking...
Thinking how long will I be like this?
How long will I stay like this?
Will it actually take me forever?

Where is this thing I'm looking for?
The thing that I always feel I need...
Or maybe I will just stay this way...
Because I am so used to be like this...

How I wonder how to be normal?
I wish I could be normal...
Yeah I know... It's normal to feel this way...
I just wanted to prove some things... (some things that is not clear)

Sometimes I can't survive the pain...
The pain that can kill me softly...
The pain that is kept along for a long time...
The pain no one will ever know...

It hurts... It hurts...
Why do I have to be a human?
Why do I have to feel pain?
Why do I have to be alone?

I love the rain, as I know I love myself...
But standing in the rain all alone...
Being in the middle of the street, alone in the dark...
Waiting for someone that will took forever to arrive...

Who wants to be alone? Do you think they wanted it?
Nobody wants to be alone... Everybody wants attention...
No man is an island... But why are still this people left all alone?
Why is it that we should experience all the pain?

I can't seem to understand this so hard game called life...
I hope I can just easily quit it or cheat it...
The more I am nearing to finish the game...
I am discovering that it's starting back at the beginning...

I don't want to be alone no more... I don't want to be alone...
But where is the thing I am looking for?
I am walking on an endless line to infinity...
Searching for clues that can't be seen...

I can shed a million tears if that is all it takes...
I know that it can be considered a weak point... (but...)
If only tears can remove all the pain...
I will just shed a tear and another 999999 times for it...

I can act to be another person if I wanted to...
It's a better way of cheating in having a nice status in this game...
But sooner or later I'll be the one who will lose it all...
My real self will be soon unfold and haunt me forever...

Although I can't seem to calculate how long will I stay like this...
I am willing to be better at the proper time and place...
I don't want to stay this way! I don't want to be alone no more...
I hate this pain... I hate this pain... I hate this pain...

The chapters are just beginning... It's not yet the end...
I am starting to open all the possible doors...
The doors that will let me enter the end of the game...
I just hope that I will be satisfied with my final status...

Forever alone -[Chapter II]-

I am stuck in this world were perfection is exalted...
It seems I have survived that lonely night...
I passed out like a weak little girl...
Good for me! I am now useless, stupid, alone plus weak!

Never expect a love in return! Never expect!
Don't ever forget... Never ever forget... (you're forever...)
Alone...
A 5-letter word that gives me pain... (enough to crush my heart into pieces)

That night seemed to bite me so much... (giving me a big taste of reality)
And in the end I will always find... It's just me... It's only me...
I have friends... I have friends... But they're not with me 24/7
There will always be that time you'll be alone...

Come on! Come on! Here we are again! Shed a tear... Shed another one...
Cry it all out! Until you arrived at the last drop...
You're stupid, weak and useless...
And currently... You're crying for nothing... (you're used to this aren't you?)

You're happy aren't you? (even with those tears you shed?)
I am always with you... (yourself is always here...)

Maybe you think I am crazy, don't you?
I am stupid, useless, alone, weak and crazy... (I don't seem to care)
Let's just wait and see what will happen next...
On forever alone's Chapter III

Forever Alone -[Chapter I]-

I wish I could create a 'perfect world' of my own
Making me perfect in every human's eye
Oh how I wish I could... Oh how I wish I could...
So I can put to an end all these sufferings and pain...

"The thing that makes us perfect is our imperfection"
Quite true, but there's still this 'perfect standard'
Killing me gently... How I wish they could... (To end this now this early..)
But it seems like they want me to suffer for the rest of my life...

I am useless, I know... You always told me I am...
Useless to you... Useless to society...
I am just a stupid kid playing and hiding in an adult's body...
Making myself looking more useless and stupid...

How I wish I could end it all... Right here, right now...
My heart will be sooner crushed and explode!

I don't know what to write... I am stupid remember?
I just put it all out... Putting it all out... (not using any brain...)
You may think that I am not like this... (the person who is so emotional...)
But I must be! Nobody else will love who I am... (I only have myself)

I am so stupid... I am so useless... I am so alone...
I wish someone would be here... Someone will be here... (who?)

Hate me! Hate me! Hate me! But it will never make me hate myself!
Cause if I do... Who else would love me? (a stupid useless kid)
I am alone... Forever alone... Staying this way... Maybe that's destiny...
It seems like this night... I am all alone... I might as well give up...

nde naman gaanong importante...

Msya ang araw ko ngaun.. bkt? aba malay ko! [nyak] anyways kc nman
kninang umaga, as usual late na naman akong pumasok and as usual
late nnman ako.. hai.. pro bgo ako mkpntang skul eh my nksby me na
korean family sa fx [social dba?] tpos mniniwla kba, na-cute-tan ako
sa anak nlang babae na bata pa.. cguro mga 8-11 ung age nia, kso i
doubt it! kc nmn koreans really luk young!! [galit?]

edi aun na... sndali lang ntapos ang 4hrs and 30mins kng klase kc ntpos
namin agad ung report... edi tapos nun uuwi na'ko... my pe classes pa'ko
kso tinmad ako eh, kc [1. umuulan ng mlaks, 2. maghihintay pko hnggng 5pm]
so umwi nko... Pgktpos nun eh nbsa ako ng ulan.. [sa jip pa ha!] kc ba
nman ung mga ktbi ko ayw ibaba ung parang plastic cover/pangharang [bsta!]
anyways un! noong fx nmn pauwi ay may nksaby nman me na filipino family...
May ksama naman xang batang bbae na ang age ay from 2-3 [bumbata ah!] nde
na cgurp kyo magtataka kng nakyutan din ako sa knya! dba? kc naman tinitgan
nia ako, as in titig! tinitigan ko din xa! [nkipag-flirt daw sa bata?] pro
un ang totoo! siguro mga 10 secs na kmi nagtitigan kya ngsawa na'ko tas
tumingin nlang ako sa iba.. [ntalo sa bata?] pero honestly, cute tlaga ung
bta! Pde xang artista! Promise! Saka isa pa... wak nalang, nakakahiya na eh...

E2 na! Last jip na makakauwi nko! Msya sna ung last ride kso my isang epal na
lalakeng mbaho at npktaba [salbahe? kala mo kng sinong di mtba] (glit lang xa
kc nde nia nktbi ung crush nia dhil sa mtbang un..) kc nga eh ni-reserve ko tlga
ung seat na un pra tabi kmi noong h.s crush ko noong 3rd year eh kso c psway na
taba eh, tumabi tlga skin! pinaalis ko na nga, tumabi prin! Ayun tloy! wah!
un lang... Ala nman gaanong importante diba??

You are my dream

I guess you and me should break up
Cause everything that we do together...
Seems not so happy... everything are ruined
everything IS ruined

Enough... all the memories you've left
Left with me... Left with my messed and crazy heart

I never thought we would be together
That was just a dream come true
But I guess it will remain that way
Cause I want you and me to be over

I am sorry for giving up... (especially on the right thing)
I am sorry for letting go... (especially of your right hand)

I don't know what to do... So scared when you're not with me
I seemed to look like a useless stupid kid in your face
I SEEM like a useless stupid kid ...
Wanting all of you... All of your attention...

All was just sudden... You are my dream...
You always bring my dreams to life!
Always telling me to fight (giving me that perfect innocent smile)
Always telling me not to let go (giving me a tight hold on my hand)

I am sorry we have to end this way...
I guess we're not really meant to be...

I just want you to know I am happy (even with these tears I shed)
I am so happy to be with you (even for a short period of time)
Like all the dreams... It has an end (I hate to say this)
You are my dream... And you'll always be (stay this way to me forever)

---

Notes: Inspired by the mangga I"s... It totally messed up my emotional feelings...
Well, it's story is good and the conflict is good... but! It's ending is not GOOD!
I admit that.... NABITIN AKO! Sobra!

Hinata

I really love those eyes of yours... (so white as snow)
Your innocent face that makes me tickle...
That refined movements you do...
Your gentle fists that can kill even you...

I really liked you from the start...
Since the first time I saw you...
You really are a typical shy girl...
That is why you are so special to me...

I can feel your pain... Trust me, I do!
As I started listening to your story...
Opening my ears and my soft heart...
I can't help myself... I want to comfort you...

I can feel the pain... I can feel your pain...
I wish I can hug you and time will stop...
I wish I could hug you forever and stay this way...
In this world where all the dreams came true...

I don't want to see you cry, don't shed another tear!
You are wrong about yourself! You are strong!
Don't stress yourself thinking about that!
You have your own special abilities...

You don't have to change yourself for other's sake!
You must be real for yourself...
No matter what happens, somebody will love the real you! (just like me)
And even though it's not the right time... I'm telling you that...

I guess I can't say it even here either...
If I can just really meet you in reality...
I will be a good ninja... (I will be the best just to protect you)
I am not strong... But my strength comes from within... -unlimited-

If I can see you for real for even a short span of time...
I will never let go of your soft hands...
I will stare of those eyes I love...
And tell you the exact words from my heart... (????)

I'm a man!!!!!!!

According to the tests I have answered... Here are the following results:

You are sweet, considerate, and a giver, but you're tough enough
not to let anyone take advantage of you! Your ideal relationship is lasting.
You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would
never break a commitment.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll
do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. You are a challenger.
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals
and children. Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for
the simple pleasures in life. Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate.

Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important
relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You
are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone,
you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you
excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging
your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted
one person, who you do special things for.

You act like a 19 year old. [I act like a 19-year-old??? That explains why I love
19 years old and older women... (woah!)] You're always willing to listen or lend
a shoulder to cry on. You're there through thick and thin. Many people consider
you their "best friend"!

And according to the results... (tada!) I act like a woman! (what the?)
My characteristics and personality fits for a woman... (what the again!)
Actually, long before, for your information I have known and made a theory
about myself... Acting more like a girl... (but I am never confused of my
gender! I am a man!!!!!!! [with 7 exclamation points!]) According to my
theory 7 or 6 years ago... I seem to act like a girl because I was surrounded
always by girls since I was young... If you want to understand more then
here are the following reasons according to my theory:

1. My father NEVER really SPEND QUALITY TIME with ME... I LEARNED all
the things I know now ALONE or with the help of girls...
2. I am the youngest and I have no "older brother" to look up to...
3. My sister is a 'girl' (obviously) and she always plays with me like a
girl sibling... [Teasing and treating me like a girl, making me listen to her music]
4. The dominating gender in our family and relatives are girls... Starting
from my cousins, tita, lola, etc...
5. I have gotten many 'girlish traits' from my mother...
6. Obviously, I have gotten few 'mail traits' from my father...
7. When I was young, I feel uneasy with guy friends than girl friends...
(that's still when I was young... [4-7 years old maybe])

That reasons may prove something or may not but one thing is for sure!!
I am a man! I will never like the same sex! Even though the results were
all 100% accurate, it doesn't matter... You can act like a girl but you're
not really a girl! (quite confusing???) A body with a girl's trait but a
heart of a man... that's totally different from being gay! I know... I've
retake the exam but it's still the same results... 57% female, 43%male...
But what can I do? I can't change myself... It's me... Take it or leave it!

I am not letting go!

I am not letting go!
I will not give up on you!
Even though that means 'pain'
I'll endure it all... I know I have you

You're still fighting aren't you?
Tell me you're not giving up on us!
I know all the things are complicated...
And that's more of a reason that we should fight!

I will never let go of your hand! Never!
Even if say it to me so... (if I let go, I may not be able to feel you again)
The warmth of hands calms me...
Calms my scared and shaky hands...

I know it's hard but we must try!
I know we will these struggles in the end!
We faced a lot of troubles and pain... (isn't that enough?)
Faced it all together... With a tight hold on each other's hands...

Why all of a sudden you're giving up?
After all we have dreamed and conquered together?
Why? I can't understand! Why are you giving up?
Don't give me that crying answer... (I don't want to see you cry, it's useless)

Quit! If that pleases you! But that doesn't mean you will count me in!
I'll face all our struggles alone... Fighting alone just to win you back!
I am all alone but the memories are still here... (giving me strength to move on)
I will never let go of you! Never! (even if I risk my life and dreams with it!)

Infintity

I have made a cementery to a world I do not own
I have changed it to a thing I have never expected
Every night I am thinking of what I have done
Very scared... Can't share with no one...

The world created changed everything
Making it dark and endless twisted
This is my world?
This is the world that gives me pain?

The pain that burns my heart...
The heart that is left alone...

There is no sign of light...
There is no sign of existence...
Even though you looked for infinity...
Infinty will forever haunt you...

---

Notes: Your greatest enemy soon is the part of yourself
that you have ignored to know forever! That's the truth!

Ninja... (in deep hours of thinking)

My princess... You're calling me?
Here I am... Your faithful servant
What can I do for you my princess?
Your ninja is here... Do not fear

I have never left you alone
I am always here
I am never far
I am always near

I can feel the danger in the wind
I can hear the cry of the wind
Their mourning if you're in danger
I can smell you right away

Pain endured will not last
I can bring you up and down so fast
I really wanted to forever guard you
But i guess... I can't...

I really need to end 'this' this early
So that I will not suffer long
So that I will have the time to think

I haven't felt 'this' way before
We are not meant to have 'this'
But I have proved one thing right!
I am... I am indeed a human!

I have awaited this time for so long...
The time for me to stop...
The time for me to think...

I guess we have to end like this...
Or maybe you can just stop me...
Find me my princess...
You're clean heart will surely guide you...

---

Notes: hiyaaah! *sigh*

My angel --fallen--

The clouds of heaven are opening unto me
I have thought that you are my angel
My angel that have no heaven to return to
My angel that needs to be with me

I have always thought you will be the one
The one who will be my angel, the one who will watch me
I have always been watching you from the corner
From the very far corner of the endless square

I have built my dreams in your absolute world
Thinking that I will be happy with it
Desiring that you will be my lucky angel
Hoping that the star is pointing at the right person

Shattered are my dreams and hope
Crushed is my soul and heart
Destroyed is my world and whole being
Exaggerated.. Maybe? Is that my love?

What the ------ I am experiencing??
Haven't felt these before
Lots of pain... Flowing like blood..
Rushing and so hot...
Burning my entire heart...

Anger is what I am feeling
I really have fallen
I have really fallen
Fallen for you.. -My fallen angel-

What a day!

What a day! it's so rough and exhausting! Wow!
At least I am a little lucky because my math
professor isn't around so I have nothing to
do after my english class! Wow! I have experienced
again sitting on the hot seat being toasted with
very hot and steaming questions by our VERY intimidating
professor in which by the way for your information, not
by making myself proud about it, the same professor who
gave me a 1.5? If my memory is correct in our defense
last term... whew! That was tough! getting that high grade
wasn't that easy... It almost sucked all my intellect in
my brain after answering all those questions... Whew! I
was indeed wasted! Woah! is that term correct??? I haven't
made a good impression but I hope I have left a good one
because I have answered all the questions she have thrown
unto me even to my groupmates... I will make to a point to
get a higher score and get the grade I truly deserve! I
will never quit! never!