Panaginip

Matagal ko na siyang napapanaginapan... Actually talagang matagal
na matagal na.. Muntikan na nga kaming ikasal sa huli kong panaginip...
Kaso... Nahulog ako sa kama! *toinks* yan tuloy! Nagising ako... Pero
sa lahat ng mga panaginip ko na nandoon siya eto ang pinaka-kakaiba...
Ala kasi kaming mga physical contacts noon.. Usap-usap lang... Ewan
ko ba bakit di ko maalala mukha niya! Pero naalala ko ung mga nangyari!
Ang labo talaga! Ah basta! Ung nangyari talaga astig! Sa panaginip ko
nasa beach kami... Pinagmamasdan ang araw... Tapos noong naglalakad
na kami... Bigla ko nalang na-feel na ibaba ung kamay ko tapos siya din
binaba niya din ung kamay nia tapos... Bigla nalang kaming nag-hold hands!
Hindi ko talaga maipaliwang pero mabilis ang mga pangyayari sa panaginip
ko... Basta un na ang nangyari! Habang hawak ko ang kamay niya... Parang
totoong-totoo! Damang-dama ko na parang may kahawak talaga ang mga
kamay ko... Hindi lang kahawak... Pati ang init at lambot ng kamay niya...
Damang-dama ko... Piling-piling mga panaginip lamang ang nararanasan ko
na ganito... Kung hindi ko siya maalala... Ibig sabihin nde special... Alam ko
talaga pag damang-dama ko ung isang bagay kasi dati may panaginip ako na
nahulog ako sa bangin tapos parang totoong-totoo ung sakit... Tapos may
sugat ako sa paa! Un pala nahulog na ako sa kama! Tapos ang sakit sakit
talaga! Tapos bigla nalang ako nagkasugat sa paa! Amazing talaga! Ang mga
bagay-bagay talaga na nagbibigay ako ng interest ay ang mga panaginip...
Kung ano nga ba ang epekto nito sa taong nakakaranas nito... Kaya nga dahil
doon ay noong 3rd year highschool ako... Sumulat ako ng story tungkol sa mga
panaginip... Oo! Tama! Novel xa! Hanggang ngayon nde parin xa tapos kasi
tinatamad ako... Maganda ang framework ng story nia! Kaso... nde masulat2
dahil sa lack ng tym... (katamaran in short) haha! Anyways, priority ko kasi
muna itong blog! I don't want to mess with my characters life for now... (for
now??? E ilang taon mo na kayang nde ginagalaw yang novel mo??????) hehe!
anyways dapat madami akong ididiscuss about dreams kaso kasi tinatamad na
naman ako magsulat... (kelan ba hindi) so... Baka tuloy ko nalang ito next tym!

3 swerte

Masaya ang araw ko ngayon! Salamat kay reiniel! hehe! Ganito kasi ang
umpisa ng araw ko... Maaga akong ginising ni mommy para pumuntang LTO
para tuluyan ng mailipat sa pangalan ko ang kotse ng daddy ko! yahoo!
anyways pagkatapos non ay kumuha na rin me ng student license! HAhaha!
student lang pala! SO... eto na! Mga 2pm ng umalis ako at pumunta ky na
reiniel! mga pass 3pm na ako nkapunta sa knila at mlaman-laman ko na 2log
pla xa! wat??? sayang pamasahe! Anyways dahil nga tulog siya eh umuwi
nalang ako! At Heto na nga ang sinasabi kong masayang part! Naku po! Ang
nakasabay ko sa jeep! PAre ang ganda talaga! Tsinita na Koreana! Asteeg!
Ang ganda talga! Naka-violet siya na sleeveless tapos ang buhok niya manipis
na kulay blonde tapos singkit... Ung face niya talaga ung parang koreana! Ang
puti pa! Saka bagay sa kanya ung flip-flops niya saka ung kulay ng kanyang nail
polish! ang haba pa ng kuko sa paa! hehe! Joke lang... Tapos...pagkatapos nun..
gabi na noong pupunta ulit ako kay na reiniel... kailangan ko kasi ung cd ng
microsoft office2000! hehe! Edi eto na! Pagka-alis ko.. Swerte pagsakay ko
ng jeep papuntang sta lu, pero kay reiniel ako ppunta.. eh nakasabay ko naman
ay isang 'rocker chick'! Rocker talaga! Complete accesories pati make-up!
Mala-kitchie nadal kaso skinnie tapos short hair... Saka ang isa pang
nagpamukhang rocker sa kanya ay ang eyebugs nia! Ang kapal! hehe! Baka
liner lang un or sumting.. So anyways nakuha kona ung cd... Pauwi na ako at
naiisip ko na ang mga swerteng nakita ko dahil lang sa pagpunta ko kay rein...
At eto pa! pag-uwi ko my nakasabay ako sa jeep na 'sporty chick'...
Naka-sports porma naman! Maganda din... Ok na.. Pero da best parin talaga
si tsinita-koreana! Hindi ko siya makakalimutan!!!! (paano ko xa makakalimutan
eh tinitigan ko???) wakeke! O paano ba yan rein??? Napakaswerte ng araw ko
ngayon! hehe! Salamat ha! teka... 3 nga lang ba?????? Tama! Pero nde naman
swerte ung nangyari noong sunday eh... INaasahan mo lang nman un... Kaso..
Ako pa rin ang nakinabang!! hahaha! hehehehe! /m\ just smiling.....

Forever is not the word for us

I don’t know if I can utter a word
To depict these feelings I feel
But I discern it is real
I think I’m going absurd

Why can you mar me so much?
Why can you chill me with your touch?
The eyes with glazing stares
Can merge my mind-set in the air

My psyche cannot think
My eyes cannot wink
When I’m with you I’m getting weak
Many says my wits has a leak

But why do I like forever to join you and me?
When everyday, I know it’s me you can’t see
For you I’m just imperceptible
But for me you’re indomitable

Casting my moan away
Making my qualms sway
But making you stay
I can’t do, in just a day

So why do I hope to be with you?
If I do know there’s no hope
Why do I want to hear I love you too?
If I do know your answer is nope

So maybe I’ll just stop this
Cause surely this you will miss
Forever is crushed for you and me
That’s all I want for you to see!

---

Notes: This is sad... Giving up... I really do believe that if you love
somebody, why should you give up? letting go and giving up is different
in how people think and feel about it... According to my opinion....
AS if that matters??

3rd day of 4th term...

This day was indeed balance! I really love my day today... It's not too
boring and it's not also full of action... As I have said earlier it's
balanced... Well to start the story of my wonderful day I would like to
tell you all that I have a pretty good mood when I have woke up at 5:35am
which for your F.Y.I. I really don't like to do... After that I went to
school and thinking that I will be late for my class in Psychology...
When I have entered the room... I was wondering why my classmates were so
many and I almost don't know all of them... They all seemed to be looking
at me when I have came in... 2 minutes later the class has ended... I looked
at my cellphone to see the time and poof! It's only 9:00am! I have attended
the wrong class!!! Poor me... The professor was not mad but he just said
a little reminder to me because imagine that I entered his class just for
2 minutes??? Angas ko ba? But after his class I have explained to him that
I am attending the 9:00am class... Well that's really embarassing... For me
ha... I don't know with you... Anyways, psychology is the subject that gets
my interest right now... I don't know... Maybe because it's stress free
because all of my other subject are hard especially calculus 3!!! I thought
I love math??? Yeah... I love it! ... After that my next class is physics...
Nothing important happened even in my Humanities class... I have 1hr spare
time before my math subject so I decided to drop by at shangri-la to make
a studio pic for my requirements in my subjects... After going to shang-rila
I rode a jeepney to MAPUA I have saw a very disturbing scene! Very disturbing!
You know what I saw? You don't want to know! An old, maybe 80-year old man
that is wearing shades and guess what?! He is a gay! Kumikindat pa! Yikes!
Kakakilabot! Eto pa! If you have seen his (baka her???) outfit... (naku!)
VERY DISTURBING! GAY na GAY ang LOLA niyo (oh yan ha tama na!)... After that
very disturbing scene I have entered my room in math4 and there I found out
that my professor in Math is my professor last term.... Oh thank GOd! I
really have my breathe catch up a little bit in that subject even though I
have no friends there... After that we discussed in one day all that we learned
in the previous term! Now I really believe the alumnis and the other seniors!!!
Woah! One term=One day! Really nice! Calculus2 lessoned in just a day, but it's
okie! I really don't worry anyway! (yabang! Heater please!) Well, it's not so
important but at least my day today is much better than my first day! I am happy
also that I am not lazy today because I have written this! I have so many ideas
in my mind but my laziness gets in first... I hope I can write all of them
before my laziness eats up all my ideas and remaining talents... *sigh*

First day of 4th term

*sigh* This day isn't fun!!! Honestly speaking my first day in class this
term is far too much from my worst expectation!!! It's like I am struck
by water and lightning by a difference of a second... It's also like the
mountains fell over me and drowned me into the deepest blue sea... That's
how bad my day is... Actually I am overreacting! Hehe!

My mood is very good when I woke up! I am sooooooooooooooooooo excited!!
But when I saw the room.... Woah! My excitement was crushed in an instant!
What am I gonna do?? If I have no one to talk with??? I have no friends!!!
It's only my hanky and my penny beside me... Always there... Giving me glee..
I am a loner there! I looked stupid! I am talking to myself discussing my
answer to the question of the professor...

I hate it! But I need to adjust! I need to learn to be independent... I need
to stand alone... Cause I... I am forever alone... I know I am not that
intelligent and friendly looking that's why maybe they'll just leave me
alone... I like to be alone... I almost liked it because I am forever alone..
But I can't let myself alone in a classroom and talking to myself while the
professor is discussing for 5400 seconds!!! I don't want to be labeled as
'crazy', 'nerd', 'jerk' anything!!!

I hate it! BUt all my professors are interesting... I think I will learn
more from them... Let's see my improvement... My english will surely improve
after this term... Having these two terror teachers in psychology and mixed
literature, psychology, etc, etc... HOpe I can pass without talking to any1..
*sigh* Life can be so boring when you are alone... But what can I do???????
As if I can do anything about it... I must face every hindrance in my way...
I can do it... I have still my friends??? back in highschool ryt???????????
Always there... Even though they're not around... Our dreams and our memories
will surely make me strong in times like this... I still have my love as my
inspiration... Do you know who she is, or he is??? He is a he! He is me!!!!!
I love myself!!! Cause myself loves me too! hehe! Just joking! I don't have
inspirations for this term but I sure have someone special for me right now..
I'll give you a hint: I have known her for a very long tym... Since I was
young... I don't know if it's fate or destiny but who knows??? There are no
such things as ACCIDENTS!!! All was meant to be! All has a purpose.........
Even this loneliness I am feeling... I know I can use this in the near future..

Serious Talk...

I have done some "thinking" and "talking" these past 30 seconds and I have
asked myself... "What if everything that I have now... I can change...
all of them... According to my choice"... Questions started running after
that 30 seconds... 1 minute after that... these questions came out of my
head... Overflowing! Will I be happier? Will I regret it? Will I not be alone?
Will I be succesful? Will I be a conqueror? Will I be mad? Will I be better?
Will I be worst? And many more that I have forgotten! I told ya! Overflowing!!

If I can change everything right now according to my choice... What will I be?
How will it affect me? Will I miss the old me? Will I wish back what I have
changed before? I really don't know...

In the past... Back when I was still young, though I am still so young now....
When I am so mad... With my life, my friends, myself!!! And all these stupid
people making useless things!!! I always wonder how my world will be if I can
change it according to my choice... These questions are not getting tired even
though they are always running in my head: What if I can choose new friends?...
Will they be better? What if I can choose my parents?... Will I be happier?
What if I can choose my talents?... Will I be better? There are so many of
them!!! But I writed only 3 because it would take me an hour to post a post with
too many characters!!! Trust me! They're so many!!!

I always want to change things according to what I wanted and desired... But
everytime I came into these kind of questions... I always answer my stupid
questions... (You need to know more about me! The all types of me! Trust
me! YOu don't want to know!) You may find me crazy but sometimes... When
I talk to myself... THere is always that mature rj I am talking with...
He always give me the right advice! I always call my mature rj when someone
needs advices... Yah I know it's me but I want him to be called mature
rj cause the rj that is always seen by many is the jolly rj... problem free!
Always happy... There are ONLY VERY FEW CHOSEN PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN THE REAL
ME, but NO PERSON in my life had tried and had known the all kinds of rj...
NO ONE... NO ONE!!! That's why I am forever alone... Because I know I can just
act crazy and talk to myself with stupidity...

This is a serious talk...

I may have started a good topic but I can't stop my hand and my mind from typing
all these stuff! I really can't!! But the answer in all these stupidity I
have came up with is God... You know what I always answer back to myself with
these questions??? There are no such things as ACCIDENTS... All was meant to be...
Even that shit you saw in the cage of your dog... Even the small rock that you use
to kick when you're so mad and hitted the face of a muscled-gay... Even the day you
thought you were alone... Dancing and singing naked in your house and then you
found out that they've done a surprise party... All of these things... Everything
that occurs in every second in your life is not an accident... Everything that
happened in your life has a destiny... A destiny you will just figure out when you
are old... A destiny that you will forever regret if you haven't done your part...

This is a serious talk...

Don't let life hit you hard when you're old... Don't try to regret the
things when you are older... Wishing you have figured it out when you were young...
Wishing you can change the past like me... Everybody has a destiny to fulfill...
God has a plan for you... All the hurt and the happiness you had experience are not
coincidence... It's your destiny... You may not know it, but you must still fulfill
it... Read the bible... Pray everyday... May seem so corny... but if you believe
that's not true... don't ever dare to say! "I wish I can change the past"

Aparador ba o Photo Album???

Binuksan ko ang aparador ko kanina..... biglang bumalik mga alaala.....
Alaala ng nakaraan..... Mga dinaanan at sinaktan.............. (xempre!
ikaw ba naman daanan ko hindi ka masasaktan? iba na nman iniisip mo noh?
umamin ka na!) Tapos bigla kong nakita ang photo album... Photo album
ng tropa... Hehe! Ang laki na ng aming pinag-iba, pati na rin ang mga
alaala... ibang-iba narin sila (nde ako kasama) pati ako, ang laki ng
aming pinagbago... Mga kalokohan noon unti-unting bumalik sa isipan...
Mga hinarap na problema, mga katuwaan at mga asaran... Malaki na talaga
ang iniba ng barkada... Lalong naging mas matatag, lalong naging mas
malakas... Ngayon... Magkasangga kami sa bawat hamon ng buhay, nagtutulungan
dahil ganyan ang tunay na pagkakaibigan! Walang iwanan, kahit hanggang
kabaliwaN! este kamatayan pala! Sa mga letratong nakita ko madami ang
nakakatawa, tawa talaga ako ng tawa! Masayang-masaya ako! Dahil kada lipat
ko ng pahina ng photo album... Para akong bumabalik sa nakaraan at isa-isang
binabalikan ang mga masasayang alaala... Masyado nang nag-iba ang pisikal
naming anyo... Nag-evolve na kami... Ung isa sa amin may bulbulin armor na!
Walang malisya yan ha! Mabuhok kasi yong mukha niya! kilala niyo na siguro
di ba? tanga niyo naman mga 'tol kung di niyo siya kilala! Hindi lang pisikal
ang pinagbago... Pati yata emosyon... Ngayon karamihan sa kanila tumibay ata
ang proteksyon sa puso... Kasi ba naman sugod ng sugod pag na-busted ayan!
Masakit hindi ba? Pero dahil nga nag-mature na... Natatangap din nila...
Oh yan ha! QUits na tayo! Sabihn ko ba namang mature na kayO??? joke lang...
Xenxa na nga pala sa tinamaan... Saka isa pa at least hindi na kayo torpe
di ba? Basted nga lang... Pero ano bang masakit ang tawag? Torpe o Basted???
Parang walang sagot sa pagpipilian eh... anyways mga toys nasaan na tayo???
Nasaan na nga ba tayo? Nakalimutan ko na! Tutuloy ko ito pag naalala ko na!!

Paano ako magmahal?

Paano nga ba ako magmahal? Isang tanong na aking pinag-iisipan...
Wala pa akong minahal na hindi ko kapamilya pero kung saka-sakali...
Paano nga ba ako magmahal? Ewan ko kung bakit... Pero minsan hindi ko
talaga maintindihan...

cguro k2lad din ng mga normal na tao... maalaga, maasikaso malambing,
etc, etc... pro kng iisipin kung mabuti kng paano ako mgmahal masasabi
ko na ako ay tlgang mxadong bata pa nga... seloso, naghahanap ng
atensyon... cguro dati pa un kc ngaun ewan ko lng... di ko pa na-try...
(yikes! my pa-try2 pko!) anyways bata pa naman ako, pro gusto ko na
tlga mtangal ung mga ugaling bata ko...

Magulo ako magmahal... Seloso, seryoso, magulo... Minsan ayoko
ng seryoso, gusto ko laging masaya, pero pag seryoso... seryoso!
Seloso ako pero hindi naman aabot sa dating na mawawalan ako ng tiwala..
Seryoso ako hanggang sa dulo ng pagiging seryoso ng kausap ko...
Magulo ako hanggang sa dulo ng pagiging magulo ng kausap ko.....

Kakaiba din ako magmahal... Todo-todo walang preno... Pero
ginagamit ko naman iyong utak ko kasi ayoko naman ng lokohan! At kahit
anong mangyari sisiguraduhin ko na hindi ako maloloko... Ayos na ang
maghintay habang buhay dahil waiting is a virtue... Matagal man akong
maghintay... Sulit naman!

Ayoko na ma-mi-mizz namin ang kahit isang anniversary, monthsary
at lahat pa ng okasyon! Gusto ko siyang laging alagaan pero iyong hindi
siya ma-iispoil at maging dependent sa akin...

Pero sa lahat ng kakaiba, ito ang kakaiba! Pag mahal ko ang
isang tao... Hindi na baleng iwan niya ako... Basta huwag lang ako ang
mang-iiwan sa kanya... Pero sana naman huwag naman niya akong iwan di
ba?! Pero kung ako ay papipiliin... Mas gusto ko na ako na ang iwan
niya... Kaysa ako ang mang-iwan sa kanya... Ewan ko ba? Pero ayaw ko
talagang mang-iwan ng minamahal.. Iniiyakan ko talaga ng todo... Kahit
matawa pa ang marami... Wala akong paki! Mahal ko eh! Angal ka?

Same Ground [Kitchie Nadal]

My love
It's been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It's hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to

Self denial
Is a game so strange i never really should've wanted
Til there was you
Cause i have learned that love was beyond
What human can imagine
More it clears
The more i gotta let you go

'cause what i don't understand
Is why i'm feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground

My love
It's been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It's hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to

Self denial
Is a game so strange i never really should've wanted
Til there was you
Cause i have learned that love
Is a word just thrown
A litlle bit too much of this
Excuse to fill this infinite of desire
And nevere ever have to fade

Cause what i don't understand
Is why i'm feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground

If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?

pangarap

ang bwat tao ay maraming pangarap... marami sa atin ang gustong matupad ang
bawat pangarap sa kanilang mga puso... noong ako'y bata pa........... bata prin ako
ngaun!! wahehe (connection? la lng) ang dami ko 'ding mga pangarap!
mdming-mdami!! pro ang pinaka-gusto kong matupad sa lahat ay... (drums) ay ang
maging... isang mabuting ama... at... makabuo ng 1 masaya at nagmamahalang =,(
pamilya... (naks! ang drama!) wakeke! ang kuletzz! pro serious ako noh! pangarap
ko parin un hangang ngaun!! siguro kc hinahanap ko un sa pamilya ko, o kya cguro
gusto ko lng tlgang maging tatay! (ay, patay tau dyan! maaga pa!) wahehe! minsan
nga natatakot ako dumating ang panahon na un... ang dami-dami kong mga tanong
sa sarili ko! pno kung nde ko mtupad ang pangarap ko? pno kng ktulad din ako ng
ibang tatay diyan? pno kng... pno kng... at mdmi png iba!!!mukha mang exaggerated
(tma b spelling?) eh this is true, quite true, ewan ko bsta totoo yan! hehe, college pa
lng ako pro prang nabuksan ang isip ko sa realidad na mahirap abutin ang mga
pangarap!! dapat itong paghirapan ng maiigi kung gusto moitong makamtam!! (naks!
ang lalim!) anyways ang bottom line nito ay aim high, reach for the best! (un lng pala
un ang haba-haba pa ng intro!) wakeke! kaya guyz and galz tuparin natin ang mga
pangarap ntin! khit simple man o malaki, ang importante ay naisakatuparan natin ang
mga ito! mdami pa akong mga pangarap tulad ng maging isang sikat na writer, maging
artista (pwedeng pkibura?), maging singer (asa!), maging dancer (asa ulit!), maging poet,
bsta! mdmi pa tlga! pro sa bwat pangarap na ito na matutupad ko balang araw (pagbigyan
nio na ako!), sna ay nde ko mkalimutan ang mga araw na sila ay mga pangarap lamang...
laging tandaan "always put your feet on the ground". sa bawat pangarap na natutupad
dpat nting ihanda ang ating sarili na maging humble at maging mabait sa kapwa... un lng
poh... tnx 4 reading! enjoy ur vacation! God bless!