Forever Alone -Chapter III-

Days have passed and I have never stopped even a second thinking...
Thinking how long will I be like this?
How long will I stay like this?
Will it actually take me forever?

Where is this thing I'm looking for?
The thing that I always feel I need...
Or maybe I will just stay this way...
Because I am so used to be like this...

How I wonder how to be normal?
I wish I could be normal...
Yeah I know... It's normal to feel this way...
I just wanted to prove some things... (some things that is not clear)

Sometimes I can't survive the pain...
The pain that can kill me softly...
The pain that is kept along for a long time...
The pain no one will ever know...

It hurts... It hurts...
Why do I have to be a human?
Why do I have to feel pain?
Why do I have to be alone?

I love the rain, as I know I love myself...
But standing in the rain all alone...
Being in the middle of the street, alone in the dark...
Waiting for someone that will took forever to arrive...

Who wants to be alone? Do you think they wanted it?
Nobody wants to be alone... Everybody wants attention...
No man is an island... But why are still this people left all alone?
Why is it that we should experience all the pain?

I can't seem to understand this so hard game called life...
I hope I can just easily quit it or cheat it...
The more I am nearing to finish the game...
I am discovering that it's starting back at the beginning...

I don't want to be alone no more... I don't want to be alone...
But where is the thing I am looking for?
I am walking on an endless line to infinity...
Searching for clues that can't be seen...

I can shed a million tears if that is all it takes...
I know that it can be considered a weak point... (but...)
If only tears can remove all the pain...
I will just shed a tear and another 999999 times for it...

I can act to be another person if I wanted to...
It's a better way of cheating in having a nice status in this game...
But sooner or later I'll be the one who will lose it all...
My real self will be soon unfold and haunt me forever...

Although I can't seem to calculate how long will I stay like this...
I am willing to be better at the proper time and place...
I don't want to stay this way! I don't want to be alone no more...
I hate this pain... I hate this pain... I hate this pain...

The chapters are just beginning... It's not yet the end...
I am starting to open all the possible doors...
The doors that will let me enter the end of the game...
I just hope that I will be satisfied with my final status...

Forever alone -[Chapter II]-

I am stuck in this world were perfection is exalted...
It seems I have survived that lonely night...
I passed out like a weak little girl...
Good for me! I am now useless, stupid, alone plus weak!

Never expect a love in return! Never expect!
Don't ever forget... Never ever forget... (you're forever...)
Alone...
A 5-letter word that gives me pain... (enough to crush my heart into pieces)

That night seemed to bite me so much... (giving me a big taste of reality)
And in the end I will always find... It's just me... It's only me...
I have friends... I have friends... But they're not with me 24/7
There will always be that time you'll be alone...

Come on! Come on! Here we are again! Shed a tear... Shed another one...
Cry it all out! Until you arrived at the last drop...
You're stupid, weak and useless...
And currently... You're crying for nothing... (you're used to this aren't you?)

You're happy aren't you? (even with those tears you shed?)
I am always with you... (yourself is always here...)

Maybe you think I am crazy, don't you?
I am stupid, useless, alone, weak and crazy... (I don't seem to care)
Let's just wait and see what will happen next...
On forever alone's Chapter III

Forever Alone -[Chapter I]-

I wish I could create a 'perfect world' of my own
Making me perfect in every human's eye
Oh how I wish I could... Oh how I wish I could...
So I can put to an end all these sufferings and pain...

"The thing that makes us perfect is our imperfection"
Quite true, but there's still this 'perfect standard'
Killing me gently... How I wish they could... (To end this now this early..)
But it seems like they want me to suffer for the rest of my life...

I am useless, I know... You always told me I am...
Useless to you... Useless to society...
I am just a stupid kid playing and hiding in an adult's body...
Making myself looking more useless and stupid...

How I wish I could end it all... Right here, right now...
My heart will be sooner crushed and explode!

I don't know what to write... I am stupid remember?
I just put it all out... Putting it all out... (not using any brain...)
You may think that I am not like this... (the person who is so emotional...)
But I must be! Nobody else will love who I am... (I only have myself)

I am so stupid... I am so useless... I am so alone...
I wish someone would be here... Someone will be here... (who?)

Hate me! Hate me! Hate me! But it will never make me hate myself!
Cause if I do... Who else would love me? (a stupid useless kid)
I am alone... Forever alone... Staying this way... Maybe that's destiny...
It seems like this night... I am all alone... I might as well give up...

nde naman gaanong importante...

Msya ang araw ko ngaun.. bkt? aba malay ko! [nyak] anyways kc nman
kninang umaga, as usual late na naman akong pumasok and as usual
late nnman ako.. hai.. pro bgo ako mkpntang skul eh my nksby me na
korean family sa fx [social dba?] tpos mniniwla kba, na-cute-tan ako
sa anak nlang babae na bata pa.. cguro mga 8-11 ung age nia, kso i
doubt it! kc nmn koreans really luk young!! [galit?]

edi aun na... sndali lang ntapos ang 4hrs and 30mins kng klase kc ntpos
namin agad ung report... edi tapos nun uuwi na'ko... my pe classes pa'ko
kso tinmad ako eh, kc [1. umuulan ng mlaks, 2. maghihintay pko hnggng 5pm]
so umwi nko... Pgktpos nun eh nbsa ako ng ulan.. [sa jip pa ha!] kc ba
nman ung mga ktbi ko ayw ibaba ung parang plastic cover/pangharang [bsta!]
anyways un! noong fx nmn pauwi ay may nksaby nman me na filipino family...
May ksama naman xang batang bbae na ang age ay from 2-3 [bumbata ah!] nde
na cgurp kyo magtataka kng nakyutan din ako sa knya! dba? kc naman tinitgan
nia ako, as in titig! tinitigan ko din xa! [nkipag-flirt daw sa bata?] pro
un ang totoo! siguro mga 10 secs na kmi nagtitigan kya ngsawa na'ko tas
tumingin nlang ako sa iba.. [ntalo sa bata?] pero honestly, cute tlaga ung
bta! Pde xang artista! Promise! Saka isa pa... wak nalang, nakakahiya na eh...

E2 na! Last jip na makakauwi nko! Msya sna ung last ride kso my isang epal na
lalakeng mbaho at npktaba [salbahe? kala mo kng sinong di mtba] (glit lang xa
kc nde nia nktbi ung crush nia dhil sa mtbang un..) kc nga eh ni-reserve ko tlga
ung seat na un pra tabi kmi noong h.s crush ko noong 3rd year eh kso c psway na
taba eh, tumabi tlga skin! pinaalis ko na nga, tumabi prin! Ayun tloy! wah!
un lang... Ala nman gaanong importante diba??

You are my dream

I guess you and me should break up
Cause everything that we do together...
Seems not so happy... everything are ruined
everything IS ruined

Enough... all the memories you've left
Left with me... Left with my messed and crazy heart

I never thought we would be together
That was just a dream come true
But I guess it will remain that way
Cause I want you and me to be over

I am sorry for giving up... (especially on the right thing)
I am sorry for letting go... (especially of your right hand)

I don't know what to do... So scared when you're not with me
I seemed to look like a useless stupid kid in your face
I SEEM like a useless stupid kid ...
Wanting all of you... All of your attention...

All was just sudden... You are my dream...
You always bring my dreams to life!
Always telling me to fight (giving me that perfect innocent smile)
Always telling me not to let go (giving me a tight hold on my hand)

I am sorry we have to end this way...
I guess we're not really meant to be...

I just want you to know I am happy (even with these tears I shed)
I am so happy to be with you (even for a short period of time)
Like all the dreams... It has an end (I hate to say this)
You are my dream... And you'll always be (stay this way to me forever)

---

Notes: Inspired by the mangga I"s... It totally messed up my emotional feelings...
Well, it's story is good and the conflict is good... but! It's ending is not GOOD!
I admit that.... NABITIN AKO! Sobra!